Cabin Fever

What do you get when you close up five family members in one log cabin in the middle of nowhere for days on end? Pure happiness. My husband has been officially retired and on the home school staff for two weeks now and it has been awesome! Our daily life has a balance to it that just wasn't there before. We are still feeling our way along as far as nailing down the routine, but already the quality of schooling going on here has taken a huge step up. I wish every home schooling family could be as full time as we are right now. I think the best part is the loss of the sense of urgency that used to always be in the background as John tried to fit all of his home duties and family time into a time limit dictated by outside responsibilities. Now--though he admits he is busier than he ever was when he was going to work--he has enough time for everything and everything he's spending his time on is more meaningful to him. It's just a great time in our lives and makes for a fantastic atmosphere in our home. Let me wax briefly sentimental and say that I picked an amazing partner and truly couldn't be happier. Okay, gushing over.

My Secret Past

I took Austin to see Rob Thomas at the Borgata in Atlantic City last night. This was his Christmas present from us this year. He is a huge fan and this was his first time going to a concert, so it was a pretty big deal for him. I wasn't sure whether he would be overwhelmed by everything, but he was just fine and loved it--singing along to every song and bouncing in his seat. We were really close to the stage, which afforded us the unexpected opportunity for Austin to meet his idol at the end of the show. Rob was so nice--he shook Austin's hand, looked right into his eyes, and thanked him for coming. It was a great moment and one of those times you live for as a mom of a special needs child, when you feel that deep down sense that you are succeeding in providing truly happy experiences for your child. Well, I'm sure every mom lives for those moments, but I think special needs moms are just a smidge more blown away by them because they are so hard-won.

As I said, we had really good seats, which put us in the midst of all the superfans. Ten years ago, I'm not sure I really knew or appreciated that these people even existed or just how organized and intense they can be. But then, through a funny little twist of odd circumstances, I found myself smack in the middle of that scene. I will admit to having a long history of obsessive adoration when it comes to my favorite musicians, but it was always primarily a solitary thing for me. And yet, there I was, part of a fully fleshed out subculture of fandom that is very hard to explain to anyone who's never been inside such a group. My life was full of cross-country concert trips, ticket buying/scalping/upgrading, secret concert videotaping, concert webcasting, backstage passes, meet-and-greets, rumor mills, behind-the-scenes catfights, and the relentless pursuit of every piece of minutiae that could be associated with one minor celebrity. But it was also full of friendship and adventure, which is what I miss, having discovered that I do not have the single-mindedness, time, or energy to keep pace with the pseudo-cult that is superfandom. Watching the women all around me last night brought back a lot of memories, though, seeing them all lined up with their zoom lens cameras and their cellphones, comparing notes with each other before and after the show. To those of you reading this who became my friends through message boards and middle-of-the-night hotel rendezvous, I just want to say thank you for the crazy madness and yes, I still have that wonderfully embarrassing quilt.

Please, No Pictures

Today started with me mourning hard for Christmas. I'm fairly pathetic over the passing of the holiday season every year. And I'm a world champion moper--it's hard to outdo me for melancholy and melodrama. So I did what every weepy mama does when she is trying not to dwell on the ending of another chapter in the lives of her children--I went birdwatching. It's hard to beat a New Year's Eve pizza picnic at the wildlife refuge on a sunny 60 degree day.

We enjoyed the company of the usual suspects--harriers, eagles, herons, coots, pintails. The sky was amazing with dark clouds on one side and the sun on the other. Naturally we found ourselves without a usable camera (long, frustrating, and boring story). And then, what did we spot, but a red fox sitting right in the middle of the road. All of a sudden we went from being all alone to being surrounded by people with cameras that had lenses on them the size of my two-year-old. It was like the wildlife paparazzi. They were literally just a few feet away from this poor fox with their giant lenses, while it tried to get a drink of water. I can't imagine what they were trying to photograph--fleas?

Anyway, it struck me that sometimes it's better to leave the camera at home and just enjoy the moment. Perhaps that will be my mantra for the new year.

Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas!

It's been a wild month for me. Two birthdays, seven doctor visits (five of them for me), three Percocet, and one retirement. I'm hoping tonight marks the end of the madness for awhile and that Christmas week is peaceful. Twelve years ago today I brought my second child home from the hospital. He was born on the 23rd and they offered to let me stay an extra day, but there was no way I was going to be in the hospital for Christmas. Because he was just over a week early, I was caught unawares and unprepared. The birth I was ready for, but Christmas day--not so much. Being a serial procrastinator, I had counted on those last couple days as being my get-it-done time. As a result, I was still trying to wrap presents moments before they were opened. Austin, then 5, was sick with a fever, cough, and stomach upset, I was an emotional wreck with postpartum hormone collapse, and I still was determined to cook Christmas dinner for my parents (which they permitted--at that point it was probably wise to not challenge me--though they did help a good deal). By comparison, this Christmas feels calm. At least I managed to wrap everything with a day to spare this year. Just a few last minute gifts to set up and I'll be on my way to dreamland.

Wishing all of you a very Merry Christmas!

Happiness Is . . .

. . . warm sugar cookies.
. . . a two-year-old playing the piano and singing while greeting any attention one pays to this activity with, "Mom, stop!"
. . . leftover Chinese food.
. . . bird watching in the freezing cold and seeing two swans fly over.
. . . seeing an 11-year-old get emotional with joy over picking out a gift he wants for the sole purpose of giving it away to an unknown boy in need.
. . . a fire in the woodstove.
. . . watching my 17-year-old grow in his social skills and reach out with real interest to others (preferably those outside his family--he is 17, after all).
. . . playing Christmas music.
. . . having my shopping done and nothing left to focus on except feeling the Christmas spirit.
. . . my husband coming home from work for the last time and feeling like a newlywed after 20 years of marriage because I get to keep him.

Santa's Mixed Bag

Christmas shopping for my youngest has been unexpectedly complicated for me this year. This is my third time shopping for a 2-year-old boy, so you'd think I'd be up to the task. This is supposed to be the easy age--interests are simple, expectations are low. But I forgot to account for the big-brother factor. The day-to-day reality is that my little one is continually exposed to toys outside the preschool realm. He loves to play Angry Birds (and is quite capable of scoring 3 stars, I might add), watch Dinosaur Planet (we were trying to watch a nice Christmas movie and every commercial break had him exclaiming, "Now dinosaur video!"), race hotwheels cars, and play with our vast collection of wild animals figures. All of which leaves me standing completely befuddled in the toy store trying to choose between toys that seem too babyish and toys that are clearly too sophisticated. I'm seriously considering wrapping up some big brother hand-me-downs and sticking them under the tree. If that doesn't work, there's always Play-doh.

Where's My . . . What?

When children are very young, it is fun to play with them because they are just so adorable about everything. Their pure delight in the smallest discovery is addictively enchanting. The older they become, the less there is of that innocent wonder and the more they become, well, like us. This can be a sad transition, as any mother knows. The magic of babyhood is unmatched.

The good news, though, is that there is an up side to the move from toddler to teen. The games they like to play get, well, cooler. I know, I know, it is hard to beat Duck, Duck, Goose. But when your preteen gets you hooked on Where's My Water?, you'll know what I mean.